- Dad Strength
- Posts
- On getting lean
On getting lean
Plus: Social media as a gateway drug
Geoff Girvitz
May 22, 2025
Today on Dad Strength
No audio edition today, folks
A new study of over 20 countries reveals that teens/ and young adults are significantly less happy than prior generations. It’s very easy to blame social media; we often should. However, we have to draw a line between the deeply cynical opportunists running social media and putting all of our eggs in one basket. I love a moral panic as much as the next guy but there are much broader problems afoot than Zuck and Co. alone. An all-time high volume of information about what’s wrong with the world (and/or you) doesn’t exactly help.
We often think about human childhood as being stretched longer than that of any other species. We try to create a sense of magic and care — and that’s probably a good thing. That’s perhaps why the required high school reading of my generation was made up of books characterized by the dull thud of a fall from grace or of innocence lost. Yet, that thud is coming earlier and harder and it’s becoming increasingly clear to young people that the people at the controls — the ones who supposedly know what they’re doing — are flailing pretty wildly.
That brings us to the next threat… something that I want to urge some moral panicking about. A little bit. As a treat. This is using AI as a cure for loneliness. If social media can warp brains, AI has the potential to absolutely melt them. The sunshiny MS Paperclip-style tone may be off-putting to some but there are many in need of a convincingly-caring conversation partner. Tell AI how you want to be spoken to and your only limits are a handful of guardrails and the rolling average of the internet’s opinion on any given thing. AI doesn’t require human ideas of reciprocity, empathy, or calling you on your nonsense — as any real friend would do. Teens (everyone, really) can now paint themselves into deeper and deeper corners when it comes to relating to others. Coming out of the dream will become progressively more painful for those addicted to the experience.
The antidote for your kids? I can’t help but wonder if it’s simple affirmation. Here, I mean an honest and consistent experience of being loved for who they are, praised for engaging in mastery, and being seen by other people who truly understand them. Maybe artificial love will pale in comparison.
Three power statements for parents
As a parent, you want to have a great feedback system for your kids: something that helps them build skills and feel good about the process. And the higher your expectations, the more support you’ll need to provide. Developmental psychologist, David Yeager, describes this in his book, 10 to 25, as the Mentor persona.
Based on this, I’ve crafted 3 power statements — and how to make them authentically your own. Words matter but how you say them matters more.
Sign up to the Community Edition of Dad Strength ($5/month) and I’ll send you the resource.
Two things:
You can cancel your membership right after you get this. That’s ok.
If you get way more than $5 worth out of this resource, just let me know and I’ll refund you right away. Deal?
On getting lean
I’m like a lot of other guys when it comes to getting lean. I vacillate between eating for pure performance (“I am all that is man!”) and wanting to feel completely free and unrestrained (“I won’t let the fitness-industrial complex tell me whether I can eat a cookie or not — life’s too short!”).
I mostly don’t sweat it. Even the contradictions. My defaults are simple: I search for nutrient density, stay active, and do my best to listen to what my body is saying, as opposed to boredom or outside pressures.
I don’t think that anyone has to look any particular way and am much more interested in long-term health and optionality. However…
I have noticed that I personally feel better when I’m on the leaner side. Inflammation goes down, performance goes up, and I bounce back from nutritional blips much faster. I’m not here to tell you what to do with your body (I like you as you are, were, and will be) but if you’re interested in getting leaner without whipping yourself into an emotional frenzy about the whole process, I have a few tips:
Don’t do things you don’t care about
Feeling like you should be lean simply isn’t important enough to drive consistency. It can, however, mess with your head when consistency falls down and you blame some kind of personal deficit.
If you need a reminder about this, you can check out the confusion felt by so many men when they found out that most women preferred the before photo below. Optimizing for health, optimizing for aesthetics, and optimizing for likes and follows are not the same things.
Focus on your environment instead of rules
Make it easier to get the good stuff. Lean protein; unsaturated fat; fibre; minerals and vitamins. Keep those handy. And the other stuff?
Add friction when it comes to everything else. If you really want ice cream, walk over and get it. Eat it slowly. Enjoy it. And feel free to toss it if you stop enjoying it midway through. If you aren’t sure if you’re hungry or bored, add an activity. Five push-ups, a cup of tea, whatever. It’s not “no”; it’s just "not yet.”
Your choices should feel like they matter
Default settings should do most of the work but if you find yourself deliberating about your next eating or movement decision, it should feel like your choice will make a difference… like it will contribute to you feeling successful.
Finally…
You know how they say you can’t outrun a doughnut? That’s half-true. You can’t outrun a box of doughnuts. But a single doughnut — 200-300 calories? You can leave that sucker in the dust. And you may find it more rewarding to add an extra hour of brisk walking (as an example) AND eating a doughnut than trying to subtract both.
Don’t mistake effort for progress
We teach ourselves to grind. And our kids. But success is often easier than going all-out. We’ve all had the experience of slapping something together only to find that our effortless first draft is better than the work we agonize over. We tend to sprint and throw faster at 90% effort than at 100%. And to quote David Gatchell, a previous podcast guest, “Studies have found that some of the best-performing investment accounts belonged to people who forgot about them — or had passed away. Why? They didn’t panic. They didn’t sell at the wrong time. They simply held on.”
What I’m reading/watching:
Untold: The Liver King (continued)
Okay, I couldn’t get through the whole thing. I feel bad for this guy’s kids. I feel bad for how the positive parts of his message and his obvious hard work are completely undermined by compulsive lying. But if you want more thoughts on Brian Johnson, you can read a piece I wrote a couple of years ago.
A quote
“Breathing in, I see my father as a five-year-old boy.
Breathing out, I smile to that five-year-old boy.”
A dad joke
Not all construction work is equally interesting. For instance, drilling a large hole is boring but fastening two pieces of metal together is riveting.
Take care of yourself, man!
Geoff Girvitz
Father, founder, physical culturist
dadstrength.com
Social media as a gateway drug