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Finding resolution
Geoff Girvitz
September 05, 2024
Today:
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Fatherhood: Finding Resolution
In his book, Life’s Work, David Milch describes a dream where he sees his dad – dead for 20 years by now – in a restaurant. “Dad, that’s, how–you know, it’s good to see you, how are you? Dad, you know, it’s great, it’s great to see you.”
”I’m doing pretty good, I’m doing pretty – I’m dead, I’m dead, you know, but I feel pretty good.”
The younger Milch is grateful for this moment. This gift. He hadn’t been doing so great when his dad was still alive. Now, he gets to say, “I’m so glad to be able to see you again, to let you know that things are well. I’m married. I have children.”
His dad should be pleased. Relieved. But he is not; he is offended and maybe feeling like he was the impediment all along. “What? Are you going to break my balls? I’m dead. I’m dead. I’ve got my own problems.”
We want resolution. And if we can’t get it in our dreams, where can we? Milch, a gifted screenwriter, captured these complicated feelings in a scene he wrote for NYPD Blue. Here, he reversed the roles, embodying his own father in the role of Detective Andy Sipowicz – a character who was flawed and difficult but also reaching for redemption. Sipowicz had recently lost his own son – a young cop. He sees him in a dream. He’s grateful to have this moment but his attention is drawn into an even stronger undercurrent of past habits and coping mechanisms. He wants to be present but slips into his worn default settings.
The scene is timeless – occupying a space much larger than the confines of a 90s serial TV cop drama. Milch didn’t find resolution in his own dream but, instead, amplified it into something that gave many others the space to process. My dad might have said, “If you can’t be a shining beacon, you can always be a warning light.” I miss him terribly.
Exercise: Make the most of a single set
You’ve made it through most of your strength training session. There are still multiple sets standing between you and completion – but you just don’t have the time or bandwidth. Or maybe you are contemplating skipping a workout for the same reason. You can cut things short while still squeezing most of the juice out of things. The strategy? One set to failure.
How
If you want to focus on strength choose a weight that is in the 70-85% of your one-rep max. For muscle, lighter is fine – just plan to perform a ridiculous number of reps.
Set a standard for form (it doesn’t have to be strict; it just has to be consistent)
Get as many reps as possible done without stopping. Personally, I hammer out reps until I begin questioning my ability to continue and life choices in general. At that moment, I know I am about halfway done.
This strategy, sometimes referred to as High-Intensity Training, was popularized by 70s era bodybuilder (and hall-of-famer), Mike Mentzner. While it may not have been the ultimate approach that Mentzner claimed it to be, it does offer the advantage of a disproportionately high ROI on time compared to other, more volume-based training styles.
That moustache added at least 5% to Mentzner’s lifts. Not as much as the PEDs, of course.
A 2020 meta-analysis showed performing a single set of 6-12 repetitions with loads ranging from approximately 70-85% of 1RM, 2-3 times per week, can produce significant increases in strength.
So, if time is short, pick one thing, wring every last drop out of it, and then move on.
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Inviting fear along for the ride
On our most recent Dad Strength call, we talked about barriers to taking action on our most meaningful work. Fear showed up. Fear of not working on the right thing. Of your work not being good enough. Of exposing your weaknesses to the world. How do you eliminate fear? Maybe that's not the right question.
Maybe the question, instead, is how to invite fear along for the ride with you… How to you tell it, “Jump in the sidecar, pal. We’re off to do great things!”
Here, you drop the clutch and go. You don’t wait for Fear to feel ready. Fear never feels ready; that’s its whole deal. Don’t worry, though: Fear has a knack for catching up, which is fine – just as long as you’re the one driving.
“Junior!”
What I’m reading:
Books
Life’s Work by David Milch
A beautifully-written memoir on a gifted writer and his coterie of demons
Perennial Seller by Ryan Holiday
On building work that stands the test of time
Quote
"We talk about social security and the social safety net when we mean economic security and the economic safety net. While economic security comes, or should come, from government. Social security should come from community.”
– George Monbiot
Dad joke
Do trees poop?
Of course. Where do you think #2 pencils come from?
Take care of yourself, man!
Geoff Girvitz
Father, founder, physical culturist
dadstrength.com